As a teenager, my mum and dad were full of advice and little pearls of wisdom. Did I listen? Absolutely not.

I made a lot of mistakes growing up that could have been avoided had I just listened to them. I would not have wasted so much money on rubbish. I would have started saving earlier for retirement. I would have been nicer to my brother and sister. I would have done more around the house to help the family. I would have worked harder at school. I would have been more careful with my health. I would have brushed my teeth twice a day. The list goes on. Why must we always want to learn the hard way? I’m sure I’m not alone in this. I seemed to need to endure the pain of experiencing things for myself to learn. Why couldn’t I just learn from their words?

 

Why do we find listening to advice so difficult?

It doesn’t matter if it is our parents, workmates or friends telling us what we should do, we often do what we want anyway. We don’t often say “That is a great idea mother. Much better than the way I was doing things.” Many of us would rather listen to someone we don’t know than someone we do know. I find that if people want advice they will ask for it. When it isn’t asked for it isn’t usually welcome.

But why do we have to ignore good advice that hasn’t been asked for?

1/. How we see our world is different to how others see it

For example, when someone is in love with a new flame there are a lot of emotions in the air. How we view the other person is often clouded by strong emotions. We may choose to ignore the fact that they weren’t nice to our friend because we are emotionally invested.

2/. We are afraid of being proven wrong

If our way is wrong and someone else’s way is right, we don’t want to do it their way in case they are right. By proving ourselves wrong we would only be making ourselves look silly right?

3/.  We are afraid to try new things

Most of us enjoy our creature comforts. New things are scary and can take a lot of work. Why take a chance of doing something new and failing when we can continue as we are and not fail?

4/. We want to be our own person

By acting on other people’s advice we feel like we are giving up some of our freedom. We feel like that maybe our lives are being controlled by someone else. We want to make our own decisions.

5/. We are bad listeners

Most people are poor listeners. Often when someone else is talking our mind can wander. We could be thinking about something else. We could be thinking about what to say next instead of listening to what they are saying. We could be distracted by something or someone else. There could be background noise. Whatever the reason, it is hard to take advice when we don’t get the whole picture.

6/. It sounds like too much hard work

Doing something different often takes much greater mental effort and time. It is just easier to keep on keeping on.

7/. We are too proud

New Zealander’s have a reputation of not seeking professional advice when we need it. We think everything will be ok, until it is not. Good advice from a professional Financial Adviser, Coach, Psychologist, Lawyer, or Accountant can end up saving us much more time, health, wealth and happiness than the cost of the advice.

 

To listen to advice or not

Some advice is just flat out awful. There is so much noise in the world that it can be hard to determine good advice and bad advice. The best thing we can do is to know what we want in life. If we have clear goals then we can educate ourselves on everything that is important to us. If you want to travel, then research about cities and accommodation. If you want to increase your income, then learn about ways to ask for a raise or how to start a business. The important things in your life are the things that you should be educating yourself on and making good decisions. The more you know, the more you can determine if the other person’s advice is codswallop.

A lot of people are investing in the recent fads. Cryptocurrencies, Tesla, Game stop to name a few. Not because they think it’s a good investment, but because someone else has told them it is a good idea. When there are decisions that have big consequences then it is often best to seek professional advice, not the advice of the shoeshine boy. The person giving you the advice should be knowledgeable on the subject they are giving advice on. If they are not credible, then it may not be the best idea to take their advice.

For all other advice that doesn’t have significant financial or social consequences, or for that which we don’t know much about, we can either learn for ourselves or take the advice we are given. We can save a lot of time if we listen to other people’s mistakes. When listening to others we should listen to ourselves first though. Only you can determine if the advice comes from someone credible and experienced. Otherwise their advice may not be worth listening to. Only then, can you decide whether to take their advice or not.

I could have saved a lot of time and money had I listened to my parents and grandparents. I made the mistakes the hard way. I learned and didn’t do them again. Not starting KiwiSaver until I was in my early 30’s has probably cost me a few hundred thousand dollars as a result of missing out on 10 years of compounding interest.

The best person to take advice from is someone who has achieved great things. If they don’t give you advice, you can go ask for it. If someone is an example of how you want to live, then find out how they have done it and what steps they have taken. Advice from someone whose behavior you want to model is great because they are proof it works. I plan to have enough money to retire by 50. My business is helping people to achieve financial independence. I could say everything under the sun and my advice could mean nothing if you didn’t know any better, but the fact that I am walking the talk should speak louder than words or any advice can.

 

Final Thoughts

We often get defensive when we receive unsolicited advice. It makes us feel like we are doing something wrong. Leave your pride at the door. If advice is unsolicited but golden, then why should we ignore it? Know what good advice is and what is bad. If the decision is important and you don’t know what good or bad advice looks like, seek a professional. If it will change our life for the better just accept that there was a better way of doing things and act on the advice. Don’t be afraid of being wrong, listening, or trying something new. Like me, your pride may end up costing you thousands of dollars or years of time. Pride doesn’t pay the bills.

 

 

The information contained on this site is the opinion of the individual author(s) based on their personal opinions, observation, research, and years of experience. The information offered by this website is general education only and is not meant to be taken as individualised financial advice, legal advice, tax advice, or any other kind of advice. You can read more of my disclaimer here

 

 

What are your thoughts on advice giving and taking? Should you wait for someone to ask for advice?